What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 09:14
I was very sick at this time too.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was seconnd youngest,
My family never makes their pension either.
All the time i was locked up.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But, we were locked up after school.
Do all therapists specialize in one specific type of therapy, or are they trained in multiple types?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
(And it was in our own minds.)
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And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But ive been too sick for many years..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
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I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Would this be the day?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Isn't it a turn on to have sex with a girl in a skirt or in a tight spandex?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But it wasn’t much.
She was in good health!
I write beautiful poetry .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Why do some straight men enjoy wearing women's lingerie?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Which country has the best and strictest legal system in the world?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
What if the girl says that drama about you dating here? Is that a bad sign?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
☆ what's the thing that made u fell in love with your bias?
I was scared of men, in general
We all went to grammer schools
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
How far does good behavior take you in a prison?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
What is the boldest and craziest thing your mother has ever done for you?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Comes on , in middle age.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She wouldn,t have been !
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im still living with it.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Who then, do I blame.?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As i do to all so called friends.?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was 9 years of age.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We were not on the streets..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One cannot live in the past .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
It was going to be , some day.
She married twice! .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Ive learnt so much.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Was to survive, this bastard.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He knew the spot.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
This is soul school!.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
So, i spoilt her more .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I said to her
And i lived it daily.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She found it foreign!.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She loved him until the end.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Put me off passion for life!!
I have no regrets .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I don,t even have a pension.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I waited trembling.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
When she asked me how she looked .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
So whats the point in blame.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
What did i know ?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I couldn’t, believe it.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My life is so biszare .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I will be 64.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I never cut or harmed myself..
Especially a lifetime of it.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I think the readers, may guess!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.